Today we see that inconsistent punctuation can be just as jarring as inaccurate punctuation.
What I gleaned about the stories: If you deviate from the path of righteousness even slightly, the evil will get you; if you remain on the path it will still get you.
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Note: This is a short story collection, so the rules are slightly different from standard Immerse or Die: instead of reading on every time I lose immersion, I stop reading that story and move on to the next one. As usual, I stop reading after the third WTF.
Analysis: The prologue is – save for a short quote – set entirely in italics. While italics are great for emphasis or setting out a short section (such as a single paragraph author’s/editor’s introduction) they are harder on the eye. By the end of the fourth paragraph I noticed my saccades.
Fully aware I was reading rather than experiencing, I moved on.
Analysis: The first three paragraphs of the first story contain two instances of an ellipsis used to show trailing off followed by a linked interjection by the narrator. The third paragraph concludes with an ellipsis, then the fourth paragraph opens with an interjection about the preceding sentence. As the first two had created a pattern, I wasn’t expecting the interjection so it took me a moment to link it back to the previous paragraph.
After seeking a rhetorical reason for the change, but not finding one, I moved on.
Analysis: Each story is presented as an entry in a competition for short stories capturing the spirit of a town. However – unlike many collections where each story turns out to be part of a large whole – the prologue reveals that some people have found a connection but then leaves it to the reader to make their own decision on what that is.
As a reader who likes putting pieces together and testing theories – but doesn’t like being rail-roaded – this hint that the texts could be considered more than one way intrigued me.
Analysis: Ellipses work best when used more sparsely in fiction than pauses and incomplete thoughts occur in real life; so, the author’s high – yet non-invasive – use of them was noticeable. However, a little way into the second story I encountered “Who dares?” As this is an incomplete expression of “Who dares to {VERB PHRASE}?”, the previous use of ellipses had programmed me to expect one here as well.
Aware that the absence wasn’t – in and of itself – unacceptable causal punctuation, but also that I was considering how the text was presented rather than experiencing the story, I pulled the plug.
Take the Pepsi Challenge: Want to know if my own writing measures up? Download one of these free short stories, in the format of your choice, and decide for yourself.
