Trouble, by RJ Price (7:21)

IOD-TroubleToday we are reminded that saving money on an editor is a false economy.

What I gleaned about the story: A young woman has been sent to court by her father, and abandoned there. Now I think she’s going to claw her way to success. Maybe with the help of some magic ability.

Find this book on Smashwords.

Note: I am not sure whether to consider Smashwords a major vendor or not. Yes, they are a significant player, but if the book is not also on Amazon or Kobo, I question whether it has “professional” aspirations. I’ve allowed this one, as an experiment, but fair warning to other submitters: I probably won’t be accepting Smashwords-only books in the future.

WTF #1: Walken commas.

Analysis: Sometimes missing, sometimes in the wrong place, the quirky comma placement gives some passages a Christopher Walken feel that clashes with the young, demure woman narrator.

WTF #2: (from the beginning of a paragraph): Partly from fear of the unknown, partly from having not eaten in several days. She was hungry and feeling far too warm. 

Analysis: Similar to the comma problem earlier, this oddly rendered sentence had me scratching my head, trying to deduce why they were broken up like that.

WTF #3: “Surely not those of rank,” Aren responded, this was view of many of the ladies she spoke with, it also allowed her to stop the interest of the steward by assuming a belief that had no place in a court.

Analysis: And again with the strange sentencification. This long, run-on sentence should actually have been three, simple sentences unto themselves. While some odd editorial choices are easily ignored, the more frequently they occur, the more they act like scratches on your eye-glasses, distracting the wearer from what they are supposed to be looking at: the world.

Note: Sadly, all three of these WTFs are problems that a proper editor would have caught and corrected.

Thea of Oz, by Rebecca A. Demarest (34:59)
As the Crow Flies, by Robin Lythgoe (30:57)

About the author

Jefferson Smith is a Canadian fantasy author, as well as the founder, chief editor and resident proctologist of ImmerseOrDie. With a PhD in Computer Science and Creativity Systems compounded by a life spent exploring most art forms for fun and profit, he is underqualified in just about everything. That's why he writes.