What I gleaned about the stories: Children left alone during a rainstorm are prone to thoughts of ghosts.
Find this book on Amazon.
Note: This is a short story collection, so the rules are slightly different from standard Immerse or Die: instead of reading on every time I lose immersion, I stop reading that story and move onto the next one. As usual, I stop reading after the third WTF.
Analysis: The first story opened with a paragraph of: The noun did this… It was… They did that… Every time the image started to build, I found myself instead seeing someone describing the facts after the event for a witness statement, so I moved on.
Analysis: When I attempted to move on, I discovered the file ended toward the end of the first story. While I can think of a number of reasons why it might not be a mistake by the author/publisher, it certainly prevented immersion.
Roughly estimating from the table of contents, the end-point didn’t occur at 10% so I assume it wasn’t the retailer accidentally delivering the sample instead of the full book.
Take the Pepsi Challenge: Want to know if my own writing measures up? Download one of these free short stories, in the format of your choice, and decide for yourself.