The Colour of Dishonour by Rayne Hall (40:00+)

IOD-ColourDishonorToday we see that readers might treat a single typographical error as an aberration if the writing is good, but are unlikely to do it twice.

What I gleaned about the stories: Water and strong social bonds are both important for survival in the desert, but only one of them is a choice.

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Note: This is a short story collection, so the rules are slightly different from standard Immerse or Die: instead of reading on every time I lose immersion, I stop reading that story and move onto the next one. As usual, I stop reading after the third WTF.

Kudo #1: Good use of imagery

Analysis: A short way into the first story, a character describes disowning their child as like cutting out the bruised part of an apple to save the rest. While the character displays the demeanour of someone who believes it was the right thing to do, the non-standard image chosen gave me an insight into how they saw the decision: why the domesticity of an apple rather than the logic of an amputation? How long does an apple keep with a part cut out anyway?

Other similes and metaphors of equal interest were sprinkled throughout the rest of the stories, frequently enough that the description had nuance and depth yet sparse enough the prose seemed natural rather than deliberate.

Kudo #2: Well-integrated world

Analysis: The stories are set in a magical version of a pre-industrial desert culture, so are filled with names and terms very different from the usual pseudo-Western-European of traditional fantasy. However, the names are both distinct from each other and flow smoothly, and the terms are neither given without context nor overexplained; as such, I noted them as local colour rather than as another thing between me and the story.

WTF #1: Proofreading niggles

Analysis: Some distance into the first story, I encountered a comma before the last letter of a word rather than after it. I felt a niggle of unease, but as I was already into the next paragraph when my unconscious got the message out that that was the issue, I gave it the benefit of the doubt and carried on. However, when I encountered Of course, he could not fly like a bird – no horse could; the weight of its muscles was too great for wings – ,but he could… the complexity of the clause structure had already slowed me enough that I didn’t just jolt over the misplaced comma.

With the issue having both brought me to a halt and ceased to be a solo aberration, I moved on.

Take the Pepsi Challenge: Want to know if my own writing measures up? Download one of these free short stories, in the format of your choice, and decide for yourself.

Rarity from the Hollow, by Robert Eggleton (10:12)
Rust: Season One, by Christopher Ruz (40:00)

About the author

Dave Higgins has worked in law and IT for both public and private sector organisations. When not pursuing these hobbies, he writes poetry and speculative fiction.He was born in Wiltshire, England. Raised by a librarian, he started reading shortly after birth and has not stopped since. He currently lives in Bristol with his wife, Nicola, his cats, Jasper and Una, and many shelves of books.