What I gleaned about the story: A young woman, crippled and discarded by an abusive father, lives and works with the nuns, caring for the younger orphans. But now a strange infant has been given into their care, and while everyone else fears him, our heroine just knows that she was meant to protect him. And so she probably will.
Find this book on Amazon.
Analysis: The story opens in a rather bleak sounding orphanage, in which the babies are all strapped to chairs, and their chamber pots are emptied several times a day. Poor baby orphans! But I’m confused by the mechanics here. The soft-hearted caregiver goes into the baby room and several of the older ones wave to her from their cribs. But I thought the babies were all strapped in their chairs? And since we’ve just been told that they leave their chair-straps behind and move to the next room once they’re old enough, I don’t see who could be standing in the cribs. I’m sure I must be misreading something, but I can’t find it, and since this confusion comes on the first page, the flag goes up.
Analysis: By the third page, the headwords have begun to echo with some frequency. On this page alone, I’ve tripped over a pair of I-sentences, and then another trio of them further down, plus a pair of echoing paragraphs. And that’s after ignoring the two or three places where I felt echoes were being used on purpose, for rhetorical effect.
Analysis: For a while, I was ignoring the occasional missing comma, but then I hit this passage: “What will you do for me if I agree?” She asked, lifting her head haughtily. The problem is that I hit that capitalized “She” and took it on faith that it was correct, so I read it as the beginning of a new sentence. But when that ran headlong into a period, I realized that something had gone awry. That earlier “She” should have been lower case, because that clause concluded the previous sentence instead of starting a new one.
Note: The story itself seemed to have some strong images, so I was optimistic that it might be a good one, but these nuisance glitches came too densely for me to look past them.