The Emperor’s Daughter, by Richard Flunker (3:02)

IOD-EmperorsDaughterToday’s book shows us that some writers are completely deaf to echoing.

What I gleaned about the story: The space ship was big. Really, really big.

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WTF #1: Echoing headwords

Analysis: Two sets of echoing sentences, both on “It.” The first occurrence might be excused as stylistic, but not the second, which was a triple shot. And all this coming in the first two paragraphs is too much too soon to let slide.

WTF #2: More echoing

Analysis: I’m on the second page now, and three successive sentences begin with “It was…”, “It took…” and “It took…”

WTF #3: And yet again

Analysis: The very next paragraph opens with another triple. “She was…”, “She was…” and, “She was…”

Note: From what little I was able to read, it sounds like an extensive galactic political reality has been constructed, and no doubt the story is full of action and intrigue, but the author would benefit greatly from the simple act of reading the work aloud to an audience. Nothing highlights the echoes like standing in front of strangers and reading your work in your own voice. It can seem a terrifying notion, but I guarantee that every time you find yourself cringing over your words it becomes a lesson you won’t easily forget.

Eye of the Moonrat, by Trevor H. Cooley (8:31)
Supercenter, by Jason Rizos (5:15)

About the author

Jefferson Smith is a Canadian fantasy author, as well as the founder, chief editor and resident proctologist of ImmerseOrDie. With a PhD in Computer Science and Creativity Systems compounded by a life spent exploring most art forms for fun and profit, he is uniquely unqualified in just about everything. That's why he writes.