What I gleaned about the story: A guy works on an assembly line of some kind.
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Analysis: Depending on how you want to count them, the missing commas, awkwardly constructed phrases, and strangely fragmented sentences combined for a total of at least nine errors. On the first page. Maybe even a dozen.
It’s not unreadable, but for me to look past the editing issues, an author first has to sink some kind of hook in me – make me want to read past them. But without adequate editing, today’s author hasn’t given himself enough time to set that hook.