What I gleaned about the story: A young woman has been sent to court by her father, and abandoned there. Now I think she’s going to claw her way to success. Maybe with the help of some magic ability.
Find this book on Smashwords.
Note: I am not sure whether to consider Smashwords a major vendor or not. Yes, they are a significant player, but if the book is not also on Amazon or Kobo, I question whether it has “professional” aspirations. I’ve allowed this one, as an experiment, but fair warning to other submitters: I probably won’t be accepting Smashwords-only books in the future.
Analysis: Sometimes missing, sometimes in the wrong place, the quirky comma placement gives some passages a Christopher Walken feel that clashes with the young, demure woman narrator.
Analysis: Similar to the comma problem earlier, this oddly rendered sentence had me scratching my head, trying to deduce why they were broken up like that.
Analysis: And again with the strange sentencification. This long, run-on sentence should actually have been three, simple sentences unto themselves. While some odd editorial choices are easily ignored, the more frequently they occur, the more they act like scratches on your eye-glasses, distracting the wearer from what they are supposed to be looking at: the world.
Note: Sadly, all three of these WTFs are problems that a proper editor would have caught and corrected.